U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
where does the pee come out of this thing
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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