I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize