we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
