i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
