I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
