Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
