someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
