Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i love accidental penises.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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