it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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