I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize