this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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