I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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