she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
