are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
