Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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