I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
