Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize