She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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