Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize