Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
