it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His nipple licking is glorious
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