How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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