That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
