i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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