u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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