I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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