Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
