i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
