But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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