Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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