Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
