Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
