She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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