god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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