My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize