his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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