so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
God, I missed his penis.
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