Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
