Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
