I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
grandma shit on top of the toilet
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
