She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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