i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
