sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
