HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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