Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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