We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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