shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this boner is exhausting
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
