She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
