It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
