I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
