If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
