my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
try to milk me bitch
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
