His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
