My friends, they love my intelligence
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
