you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize