porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
