His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize