Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
