If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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