Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A bitchslap is in order.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
