I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
