My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
