This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
