you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
