jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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