Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
