her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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