Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
