He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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