Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
