It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
