Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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