with your own penis?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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