The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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