AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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