I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
