Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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