He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
